When a woman has scholarly inclinations there is usually something wrong with her sexuality.
I like Friedrich Nietzsche. He's usually good for thought. This one made me laugh. I was amused. But maybe he's right. Does Hillary Clinton fit this sayings? Are there some "scholarly inclined" women we know who is very much into her sexuality? I am not that familiar with Nietzsche, but my favorite authors quotes him, and good autobiographies I've read before likes him. Those are about women biographies. I am thinking, this must be a minor part of what he says, or I cannot see the attraction to him if this is a major part of this thought.
I was googling for some quotes to ruminate on. Something I can say aloud inside my head. Something that will take away the chaotic thoughts I have of someone who seem hell-bent on destroying my family. I am tired of analyzing why this angry person would want to mentally torture A and I by attacking my kids. His grandkids. I really do not care much why he did it. I only wish that he did not do it to or via my kids.
I read and re-read his allegations, passed it around for second opinions, and come to the same conclusion. These letters sounded like the rambling of a crazy person, irrational, vicious, or worse, that of a thwarted child predator. He hasn't hurt my kids. He was frustrated on his way there, and now acts like a rabid dog.
I picture myself as a lioness when it comes to my children. I will protect them all from harm. It's an unwritten contract all potential mothers signed upon pregnancy. Children are to be protected from harm. Thoughts are circling inside my head constantly. I am wondering if I should or could have seen it coming. Was it something I could have done different?
The answer is no. We are supposed to trust grandparents. We do not firstly think that they would hurt their grandchildren. I've learned to listen to my instinct. This primitive part of me which rises and ebbs which each information I receive. I would rather my children be safe than have to look back and wished I've done differently. This is just one grandfather. He has done enough damage to me and mine, I wish I've never met him.
It was also Nietzsche who said, "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." There is no going back after this. There is not enough sorrys in the universe that could overcome this. This is not about forgiving, or even about second chances. This is about making sure he does not hurt my kids more. Some things just doesn't come with a do-over. Finito. Kapput. All done.
I was resolved not to think or talk about this incident. However, it's bubbling so close to the surface and oozing out of my pores, it taints my daily routine. I randomly break down and cry at the though of someone wanting to take my babies away. All because of my protecting them from being alone with an adult whose actions concerning my kids didn't sit right with me.
How could this person ever claim to love and care for his son upon doing this? Nietzsche has something for him too. "One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly."
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