Double Doble?

We love to walk. If you look at my sidebar, you can see the miles we log on since last year. This summer, it's been tough to carve out time to take everyone out and walk. This is my second darling son, he's in a stroller, pushing a stroller. You can see it on the picture below.

Sporadic. That's the way it's been since two months ago. So many things going on. Hopefully, it's all going to settle down, some. At least, when I cancel the extra health insurance I have.

I signed up for World Insurance and found out a few days ago that they wouldn't cover a well-check-up visit. Only when my kids are sick. In theory that's fine, except, I am not comfortable not taking my children for their annual exams. I have no idea why my agent didn't underlined that fact.

I have made myself clear that I like to take them for their annual exam because I want to know how much they're growing and stuff like that. So, I have wasted some money on a hunt for a better health insurance.

Bummer! I think I would have been able to buy 100 pair of shoes for the money I lost. I mean, the shoe store nearby assures me that for that amount, I can buy 400 pairs. HGTV assures me that I can do a first level upgrade for my kitchen for that money.

Other than that...oh, did I mentioned that I have two dental insurance too? I mean, come on. I know it's important to keep up with health insurance and all, but two of them? That's where my tomorrow's going to be. On the phone getting some of my money back.

The Pursuit of Happyness

I have to admit, that movie with Will Smith was great. DH and I went to see it in a dinner theater. It was fun. The screen was not as big as a "real" movie theater like AMC, but the food...oh the food was fantastic!

Tonight we saw another movie while my mother watches our kids. We went to see REIGN OVER ME with Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle. Is it only me, or other people get faces confuse too? I thought for a long time that Don Cheadle was Tim Meadows from SNL. Duh!

It's like all the other times I was thinking that Hollywood tend to make movies which are very similar to each other. Let's see if I can come up with a few and you can agree or disagree.

Deep Impact vs Armageddon
Independence Day vs Mars Attach
Prestige vs Illusionist

Ugh...it's too late to think up of others...but it's like they make something similar but different for every movie.

I am thinking how many people out there goes after happiness and trades all no matter what. I am concerned about this generation of "I". It's like no one else matters as long as "I" am happy. "I" need to be excited, and "I" need to get all I want or "I" am not happy. That's all good, you know.

What is not so good is when you bring little children into this world. Whatever happened to the unstated contract parents sign about protecting our children? Can you hate someone so much; you will actually let your children pay for your happiness? It's hard to swallow. It's very disgusting. It's right along there with parents letting an ex-ped-monster baby-sits their kids. People who do this, how can they live with themselves?

I came across a qoutation a long time ago

One only has freedom to the extent that it does not infringe on someone else's freedom.

All Done!*

This is a rant. I am angry. I do not want to be. I resent having to be angry. I know someone said that I can control my emotions. Well, my emotions are too angry to care, dammit!

Good Lord! When can one stop helping anyone if every time you help, it cost you? Seriously! I am so tired of always being considerate and giving people a choice, always taking care to make sure that my decisions that might affect other people is never at their expense.

What the fuck did I do to end up dealing with people who made snap decisions and NEVER giving me choices? I hate not having a choice. It's why I always give people a choice. I hate/loathe/detest not being given any notice. What do I get but workers who absolutely love giving "effective immediately" notices?

Guess what? I am done playing nice. I don't want to be nice anymore. Nice doesn't get me shit. Not even a teeny-tiny consideration about my feelings. I care about other people's feelings, but these other people's feeling which I so take care to nourish never give a shit about mine.

They say it doesn't cost anyone to be nice. They are absolutely wrong. It cost me a lot when people stomp all over my feelings. I would just really like to know when I can quit. I want to take a break helping other people. I just want to live for a while only thinking happy thoughts about my kids and my husband.

I have enough other people's drama dripping/oozing into my life. Enough already! I am tired of it.

*Not talking about my husband either. He's great. He cares about my feeling. He's not even related to me.

I Know It's the Millennium

It's ages since the Andy Griffith Show and Leave it to Beaver. I know it's the age of Beavis and Butthead, but really! Parents of driving teens ought to take notice on how their teens are driving.

A lady somewhere else was almost run over by these new crop of teens. You know the ones. They are the on honking you to dive into an oncoming traffic because their red cool car couldn't possibly stand the wait.

I will have driving teenagers of my own in about 7 years. I hope they do not drive like that murdering moron up north. I also know this is the age of cool cars. I just wish parents of already rude children are not so fast to whip out those wallets and buy their little turds cars they don't deserve.

Manners are still in style. Teaching and learning them will always be good. Parents who must park their kids in front of the TV, please don't let them watch shows which turn kids into mini-monster.

Slaving Away

Slaving away sounds attractive right now. A better prospect, if you can believe it. I haven't done this type of work in a long, long while. Eight years ago, this would be a normal thing. An excel-full of numbers, playing with it, sorting it, nothing but numbers, all 4 hours of staring at numbers, redoing mistakes, but still all about numbers. What's more, pulling conclusions and intelligent-sounding meaning out of the numbers.

Anyone remember Chemistry lab? What about Quantitative Chemistry lab? Physical chemistry? Any science lab? Excepting Physics, because they don't seem to require as many numbers in General Physics. What about accounting?

There you go. If you can remember that, you can understand why I have to take a break. Why it's very necessary to take a break. I need chocolate, a good book, a hammock, and a beach resort. I need those to recover.

After this post, there's probably another hour or two of numbers, then hopefully, I haven't butchered this so bad.

Ok, back to numbers now. It's not going to get done by itself, and I'm OCD enough to not want to go to sleep until I'm done. The best part is, I have a date with a really good book when I'm through.

Bad E-mail! Bad!

It should have been a manic Monday. It's not. It started out great. I fell asleep last night before 10 AM. That's a rare event. I hardly ever go to bed without a protest before midnight. I lay down to fed my baby and I slept all through the night. It's like being tricked into it. My alarm woke me up at 530 AM. I woke up and was actually happy to be up. The house was quiet, clean and all mine!

I should have relished it more, because it's kind of downhill from there.

It's raining, but not that much, just enough to make everything cloudy, darkish and wet. In other words, perfect for my favorite blanket [not that I have any], and a book!

Then I remember, it's also my day to walk in the mall with my husband. I love mall-walking with my darling. We talk, we bitch, we whisper sweet nothings, and we talk dirty. I was all ready to go. My baby has other plans. He was hungry, but didn't feel like eating, and no matter how much I displayed my breast to his royal highness. He's teething again, and a tad miserable about it. When he does eat, he's mistaken me for a teething ring. He's got two teeth, so I am a little jumpy about his teeth. A whole lot jumpy in fact.

I was finally ready to go, that is, I only have DS3 to dress. Then something else came up. My yahoo mail doesn't work. It's loaded up to 20% of 2 GB, and it is really slow! It's so painful to watch it try to work. I need my e-mail for work, and I can't leave it so slow like that.

Why oh why didn't I empty it's folders for such a long time?! Have you noticed that yahoo, even after you pay for a premium service won't allow you to delete a folder if there's a message in it? Gmail will let you, except that gmail still has bugs in it,and you CANNOT sort the mail. I like sorting my mail. It's an equivalent to shuffling cards while playing Slap-Jack. Try playing cards if you can't shuffle it. It's like coitus interruptus. Very unsatisfactory.

That's it! I just wanted to complain about my e-mail. I hope it will let me delete old stuff so it can be functional again.

Maytag, Rusty in Five

I have a Maytag refrigerator. It's cute, and even with a price tag of USD 1300+, I got it. It's also energy efficient. It's my main refrigerator. I have another one in the garage for other stuff, but this one is in my kitchen.

A couple days ago, I noticed that the gears for crushing ice were rusted. I didn't think Maytag manufacturer would be stupid enough to put in parts where it could get rusted, especially a most used part. Ice crusher.

I like crushed ice. My kids love it too. Who doesn't? Now I am worried how long they've been ingesting rust. What health problem will I have to worry now depending on how much rust they've consumed? How long has it been rusted?

Anyway, I called customer service for help. For someone to come and look at the problem: "Rusted ice crusher", I will pay $127.00. WTF!? The thing is removable. So, I asked the rude-not-quite so helpful customer service if I could buy the part and install/replace it myself. After all, for someone who rocked at installing something in a PC, I rate myself highly capable.

After 3 more customer services transfers, having to repeat my phone number half a dozen time, I got the part. I think it is the correct part. I paid $22.75 including shipping, and I am supposed to get it in 7-10 business days. I have 30-days money-back guarantee. We'll see.

Now, I am wondering, why would they put a part that will rust in a refrigerator? Unlike car seats, refrigerators do not come with an expiration date. I was expecting it to work in good order for the life of the ref.

I am annoyed, and I would not recommend anyone buying Maytag refrigerators. At least, not the ones with an ice crusher. You'll be drinking rust after 5 years. And for the price tag, there's probably other better brand out there.

I don't know what to title this post

I am very upset that someone had so much time on their hands to torture and torment me through my kids. I am furious. Why can't some old people do something useful with their lives? He should pick a useful hobby or volunteer to help the unfortunates.

If someone had married and divorced 6 times, then something is internally wrong with the person. It's not the wives, it's him. My biggest mistake ever was letting him get to know my children, and trust him enough to him into my house. I went against my principles and my instinct, and boy, is a payback for being wrong ever painful.

He got bored, and is amusing himself with sending abusive and threatening letters to me periodically. Some people do good deeds before they die, while others will destroy everything in sight.

One should die proudly if they can no longer live proudly. -Freidrich Neitzsche

Never ever trust anyone who torments animal for fun. This is the same person who made me so uncomfortable when I was just married because he gleefully informed me that he loves watching dogs fight because of him. He used to have two dogs, and he'd torment one making the other dog think it's the other. When the dogs go at it, he sits back and has fun watching.

He also likes throwing in inflammatory comments to a group situation and enjoys watching people duke it out. I remember thinking that I hope he'd never turn that amusement to us. Well, my time has come, and we are his experiments, me and my family. We have a wonderful family, and we get along great, and he wants us all broken into little pieces.

My kids and husband comes first. He doesn't seem capable of understanding that. He all but told his son to divorce me. He also made clear he wants our children in foster care. How dare he! This monster himself left his two children and abandoned them, but not before he made his wife worked to pay for his education. What kind of person does that?

My children come first. All decent mothers signed an unwritten contract to protect the children they gave birth to. When it comes to my children, if something does not feel right to me, I take measures to correct that. Now, he's punishing all of us because I want to ensure that my children will have a happy childhood and will grow up to be well-adjusted beings. It's the single most important job, it's my job.

We hadn't so far, and he is miserable about it. Tell me if there should be second chances after this. Well, it's been said before. What can't break us can only make us stronger, but man, is this ever going to end?

Sneeze and snort Tylenol

Did I ever tell you that I have a degree in Biochemistry? Have I also mentioned that I studied to be a medical doctor at one point in my life? I also had two years of studying to be a nurse way back when. Why am I asking?

I am 33, well-educated, yet I still believe that going to bed in a really cold house with my head exposed to that cold vent is the sole reason why I woke up two days ago with a runny nose, dry mouth, stuffy head, cough-y throat, and huge headache. I really, really believe it. I feel so under the weather, it didn't even bother me when I realized I had 1 double stroller, 2 single strollers, 1 baby carrier in its own stroller, and 2 car seats strewn across my living room. I can see a little bit of dried mud tracks as well, and I don't fucking care.

My head felt like it's stuffed with cotton, and I just wanted to be better. You know that feeling. It felt like I'm having a fever but the thermometer lied. Bugger! Nose drips so fast, I could probably fill an 8-ounces cup in less than an hour. Gross. I know. I crawled on top of a folding chair, root around my medicine cabinet, and found my favorite Tylenol colds non-drowsy caplets. I love this meds. And hour after I downed a pair, I felt so much better. I was back to instantly caring about the state of chaos that was my living room.

I brought my baby, DS4, today to his doctor for his 6-month check-up. He’s got some viral infection, so shots will have to be delayed. DS3 also went because we were worried how he’s constantly tripping all over his feet. He’s 27 months, been walking for 18 of those, and I just worried that he still trips. It was nothing, he’ll probably outgrow it.

DS4 totaled 3 changes of exam table liner because he’d sit up, grab a handful, immediately turn the other way, and start all over again. Wow. I totally got my money’s worth in liners today. I am also pretty sure that DS4 dribbled these resident viruses I have now. Nothing for it…both of us will be cranky for a few days. He's over two feet, weights around 18 pounds, and he's on his way to walking on all fours. I am amazed at this guy. He's so cute and I couldn't get enough of him.

Despite medical opinions and years of microbiological stride, I still think that because my husband turned down the A/C to 65 two nights ago is the reason for my colds. I am not telling him that. He finds it hilarious how I could be so smart and intelligent and still hold on to beliefs like this. I would too, if I am not the one in for a long haul of cough and phlegm. Did I also tell you that when I get started on coughing I can’t shake it off for at least 3 weeks?

I can’t really complain too much about flu or other similar viruses. It saved my life six months ago. The long and short of it is as follows. I didn’t know I was well on my way to pre-eclampsia when I caught a horrible bug and went to the doctor to check my non-kicking baby. I was surprised to find out that while I was having high temps; my baby in my tummy was having fever too. I was hooked on monitor and all kinds of gadgets. When the baby’s heartbeat normalized after 2 days, I was almost discharge when someone somewhere noticed my funny liver. I had to deliver that day coz my liver is on the way to conking out on me. Anyway, it’s because of the bug which saved my life. I can’t complain too much.

The good news I will probably lose at least 8 pounds because of this. I’ll have to evaluate later if this time around, this colds and cough combo is good for me or not. Gam Zeh L'Tovah*?


*This too is for the good.

Too fast...

I think mothers everywhere agree that baby-hood is not here to stay.

At 5 months of age, my baby* grew two teeth, coos, laughs out loud at my jokes, greats everyone he meets with a smile and a giggle, roll into his stomach and back again, and sits up. I am not sure which one I should be more impressed with.

The teeth kind of scares me when I am breastfeeding him. He doesn't bite that often, but does it enough for me to pay attention to those pauses he does when he's eating. Then again, he might just be sharpening his teeth on the only thing available to him. My nipples. Don't get me wrong. We're proud of his sharp teeth. So proud we show it to everyone who look slightly interested in our baby. At one time or another, we have delivered a version of the following:

"This is our last baby. Look at those teeth! He's growing so big!"

He's got the cutest laugh I have heard. Then again, my 7-yr-old son, the Pianist/stuntman, is hard to beat in that department. I regret now that I was not so deligent in recording his baby laughs. I could have posted it and we could vote which one has the cutest laugh. Of course we won't tell them who won. Childhood is hard enough without your parents going batty and comparing you!

But then again, being the last baby, we noticed everything about him. The first time I saw him sitting up, I squealed in delight. I startled him so bad, he fell right on his face. My excitement had caused him to howl his head off. I forgot to only gasp in silence and praise him only when he's got a firm grip of his stance.

All my kids seem to want to walk early. You'll see them toddling around by age 8-9 months. No hands, as they say. I don't exactly remember their age when they sat up. My memories aren't that sharp. If I could go back in time, I'd record all their accomplisments in a notebook so I can flip back and regale my kids of what they did at what age. I noticed that my older kids cannot get enough of hearing about their stories of when they were babies. They'll say "...and then what Mommy..." with that happy expectant look on their faces.

This baby is still exclusively breastfeed. I would like to be able to do this longer, but I can see the writing on the wall. He's getting so attracted to food, he'll grab plates and glasses from any unsuspecting diner. So far, he'd managed to swiped down three plates, and two glasses of water to the floor. I am starting to feel just a little guilty about not introducing him to solid food. It doesn't help that I don't have much confidence that these boobs of mine would keep producing enough milk.

How time flies. I can see how hard this baby tries to make himself move. He practices every chance he gets.

*otherwise known as "The Emperor"

So, I wanted some cheer

When a woman has scholarly inclinations there is usually something wrong with her sexuality.

I like Friedrich Nietzsche. He's usually good for thought. This one made me laugh. I was amused. But maybe he's right. Does Hillary Clinton fit this sayings? Are there some "scholarly inclined" women we know who is very much into her sexuality? I am not that familiar with Nietzsche, but my favorite authors quotes him, and good autobiographies I've read before likes him. Those are about women biographies. I am thinking, this must be a minor part of what he says, or I cannot see the attraction to him if this is a major part of this thought.

I was googling for some quotes to ruminate on. Something I can say aloud inside my head. Something that will take away the chaotic thoughts I have of someone who seem hell-bent on destroying my family. I am tired of analyzing why this angry person would want to mentally torture A and I by attacking my kids. His grandkids. I really do not care much why he did it. I only wish that he did not do it to or via my kids.

I read and re-read his allegations, passed it around for second opinions, and come to the same conclusion. These letters sounded like the rambling of a crazy person, irrational, vicious, or worse, that of a thwarted child predator. He hasn't hurt my kids. He was frustrated on his way there, and now acts like a rabid dog.

I picture myself as a lioness when it comes to my children. I will protect them all from harm. It's an unwritten contract all potential mothers signed upon pregnancy. Children are to be protected from harm. Thoughts are circling inside my head constantly. I am wondering if I should or could have seen it coming. Was it something I could have done different?

The answer is no. We are supposed to trust grandparents. We do not firstly think that they would hurt their grandchildren. I've learned to listen to my instinct. This primitive part of me which rises and ebbs which each information I receive. I would rather my children be safe than have to look back and wished I've done differently. This is just one grandfather. He has done enough damage to me and mine, I wish I've never met him.

It was also Nietzsche who said, "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." There is no going back after this. There is not enough sorrys in the universe that could overcome this. This is not about forgiving, or even about second chances. This is about making sure he does not hurt my kids more. Some things just doesn't come with a do-over. Finito. Kapput. All done.

I was resolved not to think or talk about this incident. However, it's bubbling so close to the surface and oozing out of my pores, it taints my daily routine. I randomly break down and cry at the though of someone wanting to take my babies away. All because of my protecting them from being alone with an adult whose actions concerning my kids didn't sit right with me.

How could this person ever claim to love and care for his son upon doing this? Nietzsche has something for him too. "One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly."

~~~~~

predator relative