If someone had married and divorced 6 times, then something is internally wrong with the person. It's not the wives, it's him. My biggest mistake ever was letting him get to know my children, and trust him enough to him into my house. I went against my principles and my instinct, and boy, is a payback for being wrong ever painful.
He got bored, and is amusing himself with sending abusive and threatening letters to me periodically. Some people do good deeds before they die, while others will destroy everything in sight.
One should die proudly if they can no longer live proudly. -Freidrich NeitzscheNever ever trust anyone who torments animal for fun. This is the same person who made me so uncomfortable when I was just married because he gleefully informed me that he loves watching dogs fight because of him. He used to have two dogs, and he'd torment one making the other dog think it's the other. When the dogs go at it, he sits back and has fun watching.
He also likes throwing in inflammatory comments to a group situation and enjoys watching people duke it out. I remember thinking that I hope he'd never turn that amusement to us. Well, my time has come, and we are his experiments, me and my family. We have a wonderful family, and we get along great, and he wants us all broken into little pieces.
My kids and husband comes first. He doesn't seem capable of understanding that. He all but told his son to divorce me. He also made clear he wants our children in foster care. How dare he! This monster himself left his two children and abandoned them, but not before he made his wife worked to pay for his education. What kind of person does that?
My children come first. All decent mothers signed an unwritten contract to protect the children they gave birth to. When it comes to my children, if something does not feel right to me, I take measures to correct that. Now, he's punishing all of us because I want to ensure that my children will have a happy childhood and will grow up to be well-adjusted beings. It's the single most important job, it's my job.
We hadn't so far, and he is miserable about it. Tell me if there should be second chances after this. Well, it's been said before. What can't break us can only make us stronger, but man, is this ever going to end?
17 comments:
In the words of my best friend.
"Not all men suck, but all men have the potential to suck"
Keep your head up and your thoughts and actions focused on your family and you'll be fine!
Good luck!
Shoshana...i would cut him off and would not let him into my family's life...your kids and family come first and nothing matters..whoever he is or how colse to your family is, i would shut my door in his face..no chance given to such person! best of luck!
that bastard!
I'd be careful... keep a watchful eye...
that bastard!
I'd be careful... keep a watchful eye...
Sometimes, I get scared that he might be sicker than we thought and he'd physically harm my children no matter the precautions we took.
I hope he moves on far, far away from us.
Summer, I've cut him off. I couldn't ask my husband to do the same, he's his father, but for our kids and family, I think he'll do it.
He says I am a dictator and anything I say goes. If you read his vitriolic rant, you'd think I was Stalin encarnate. That's almost sad if it weren't sickening. He doesn't even know his son to accuse properly. I guess that's a blessings of sort.
Hey Ale, yeah, he's a sick bastard, and I hope my kids never find out just how much.
The turd should get a more meaningful life.
hmm,i cant get it Shoshana..is he a neighbor or your father in law?
i cant believe that theres a guy like him in his age..that man is bitter and vain and just want someone to follow his sucking life.
We,mom,protect our family..we are better than our hubby,so dont let him win by turning your family down.
Be strong,have faith and nothing is forever,it has an ending :)
You're right Ghee, there's gotta be an end somewhere in sight. In the meantime, I'll try not to let this turn me into a ranting lunatic.
Thank you guys.
He's my FIL, but a real "father" of anyone who's not sick would not seek to destroy his child's family.
I'm sorry you FIL is such a jerk. I tend to disagree with my FIL on a lot of subjects and some of his language and racial slurs really piss me off...but he's not hateful or mean like yours sounds.
I don't really have any advice to give you other than to trust in your DH and know that he probably sees what you see ~ if you haven't talked about it. I'm sure he has to...if the man was married 6 times how great a relationship can he have with his son?
Again...sorry you're going through this. HOpe it gets better soon. :) Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Janene, thank you for stopping by. I am sure that whatever he comes up with after this, he's not getting second chance at my kids. He did something really horrible, it can never ever be right again.
He's just annoying.
I have no interest in talking to him.
I can't think of anyone I have ever met who is as annoying as this person has become.
We have too many people, and not enough time to spend with them, to waste another second talking to that person.
I'm not angry (though I should be madder than fire).
It's like a diaper, you don't want to go near it, and the last thing you would do is bring it back inside and put it on a chair.
Ultimately, HE left in the middle of a planned outing with the kids.
He therefore made the choice. (fortunately, we found out later)
He then, does not want to take responsibility for his cutting us off, it - again - is not worth his attention (I hope).
Yet, perhaps feeling guilty at how it looks, he has done everything he can to make it look as if we pushed him out.
Because of his doing everything he can to make it look that way, sure enough, 'projective identification' he gets his subconscious wish.
Not only have I obliged his guilt conscience (that he didn't want to cop to) but I must.
A 'father' [the FIL] must, by definition, do more good than harm.
He wasn't there when I needed him as a child.
He wasn't there when we needed him with our sick children.
At best, he was a 'fair weather' FIL, instantly bailing the moment there seemed to have been a need.
I wouldn't pick a friend like that.
I sure as hell have no right to allow someone who calls CPS out of a need to assuage their 'do nothing' energy, and desire to avoid any hint of guilt.
With father's [FIL]like that, who needs him? That's not a 'father'.
Father's teach their sons about girls, how to comb their hair, pick out clothes, make sure things are ok.
He sent child support, which went straight to paying for the house. Which he got back when the house was sold, made a huge profit. I paid for my own food, since I was 10, except what my friends gave me when I was visiting (and they were sitting down to eat).
I am just so thankful all of this crap started *before* we picked out some land so we could have him MOVE IN with us. What a nightmare that would have been!
We'd have had to just bail on the mortgage and blow our credit and rent some place.
The saddest thing to me is that the only change is that
well, it's not sad any more, sadly I don't feel sad for him any more
but my point was that we WERE going to help take care of him to an extent, as he grew older.
Now I just hope to never hear from him again, except that maybe he moved to Hawaii and never return.
That would be great.
For me, what has redefined my relationship with him, is the understanding / realization that just because I needed a father, made and had the feelings of closeness that I am capable of, it does not follow that he was the father I thought I had a connection with.
Whatever.
I don't care if it was the Zoloft. I don't care if it was a mean premeditated calculated plan.
It doesn't matter.
If he had thrown a fit, thrown all the dishes to the floor, you can come back from that.
NOT calling CPS on someone.
That's 'game over'.
I don't care how much I loved (or love) someone, they pull this out, I don't / I CAN'T have them around.
Period.
I'd be irresponsible to my kids to do so.
The sad thing is, if I heard he died in a car crash, I'd be relieved.
Very relieved.
Like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
You know, like when the Soviet Union fell, we felt a relief from the nuclear threat from them?
Kind of like that, except it's an 'annoyance' threat.
Like someone who keeps saying you owe them a large sum of money, they keep calling you, you get messages your kids hear about it, your family, your friends, their school, it's like that. Very annoying.
It'd be like hearing that someone very very very annoying moved to another state.
That'd be great.
He's not my 'Dad'.
He's not my 'Father'.
Those titles were misapplied, though I didn't know it.
I always tried to be good, stayed out of trouble, never asked him for a car, never asked him for money, so that some day, if I ever needed, I might could call on him in an emergency, perhaps for some cash, who knows, my children might need it.
That day never came.
Now, my only wish, is
I wish he'd just go away and leave us alone.
I can't think of anyone in my life that - at any time - I would rather apply that statement to. Nobody even comes close.
It's not that I'm mad. Oddly, I've not been mad.
Perhaps deep down inside, perhaps on a level I don't know about, but I don't feel that.
Rather, it's like his penis is just laying in the middle of my home. It's annoying, too annoying to be embarrassing, just some distasteful thing we have to walk around, something which gets in the way, something we are trying to ignore, you put something over it to cover it, but it's there, and every time we get an e-mail, or a message through my Mom from him, it's like one of the kids knocked off the blanket that was covering up his penis, and there it is again. Damn, could someone cover up that thing? Is there any way it might just be gone some day?
Should we move? Well, it's just his penis, but it is in the middle of the room.
You could move, and pay for the down payment, the selling fees, move in to a new place, and shit, there it is again... crap.
Maybe we could put the tv in front of it? Then every time I watch tv, I'd be thinking about the penis.
Well, maybe we could leave that room empty?
Then one of the kids might wander in there and
Maybe we could build a box around it?
Nothing seems to really solve the problem.
I just hope it goes away.
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