Last Sunday, my first two kids took a Music Theory Exam along with 700+ other kids. Their piano teacher, Ms. Nancy, encourage them to take it so they could be the same level in their music as well as their school grade. It's a great idea. I do think my kids plays better piano than I can now. They're only ages 9 and 8.Leaving my 5 and 2 years old with my husband, I herded the other three to a nearby university to take the test. We left early to have plenty of time to find the place. It wasn't too bad. Google map and a phone call to a few people confirmed my destination the week before.
What really surprised me when I arrive was the sheer number of Asian family milling around the lobby. I kid you not. It was like an Asian parents convention. About 80 percent of the early arrivals were Asian. Asians every where. I am surprised, and at the same time, not.
It's been known that an Asian parents will push their kids more than the others. It's the stereotype anyway. I said stereotype because I and other Asian parents I know are not THAT bad in pushing their kids.
I don't push. I encourage. There's a big difference you know. I would never spank my child just because they don't want to have an 'A' average. I take away fun things like shopping for the 7th set of Pokemon cards, and they might also missed the newest Disney movie release...but I believe it's not the same thing.
My husband and I think of it as a reward system. The kid who maintains an A average, and does their homework on a timely manner gets a lot of "incentive" as opposed to the kid who never does anything on time. I try not to say anything negative. What's the point in that.
DH and I are also softies. Which means that my kids who doesn't care for homework very much gets rewarded sometimes because our softy parent hearts cannot stand the disappointed look. I hope my kids are not on to us.
I'm still learning every day how to encourage without being pushy. It's a fine balance to walk on.
7 comments:
Some great advice there on parenting which, I'll put to good use when we get to that stage with Jarvis. You guys are wonderful parents.
Lee, ade, Jarvee & V.2.0
I wish my parents pushed us more to have extracurricular activities like piano. But at least I had a childhood unlike so many kids I see today. Doing well in school was all that was pushed for and everything else was encouraged.
I read a lot of literature that claims kids are born with their own temperaments and there's not much as we, as parents, can do to change them.
Interesting idea.
So how did it go?
-Shev
I am with Lighting Bug's Butt- very true. I think the talent is figuring out what is motivational for each child and encouraging THAT frame of thought. For example you meantion Pokimon but lets say DS3 HATES Pokimon but loves Matchcars then Pokimon won't work. OR if you have one like mine who could careless if you take something away then you have to find other ways to encourage her. One of the things my parents did was: Your grades have to reflect that you did the best YOU can do for YOU! I was/am TERRIABLE in math. Seriously, I would stay after school work with a tutor and STILL fail the tests. I got a B in the class not because I deserved it but the teacher knew how hard I worked for the D I deserved. I was NEVER EVER penialised for this, I DID do my best. NOW, a few years earlier I failed math because... I didn't get it and I just didn't feel like putting forth the effort to learn it. THAT I WAS penialised for... NOT the failure itself but the lack of effort and it was made known THIS was what I was punished for... NEVER EVER let my dad see a "does not put forth her best effort" was our motto! LOL Does that make sense? I will do the same with my daughter, if she puts forth her best effort how can I say, "you are in trouble for not being smart enough?" Does that make sense? This is just my thoughts on it.
I agree WAY to many parents are out there trying to relive their own childhoods through their children. Pisses me off to no end to go to childrens B-ball games etc and hear some ass screaming at their kid like they are the damn dog! I seriously want to beat the snot out of them. My parents always made my swim meets etc and if I did good or bad I always go the same response, "great relay sweetie. That girl was really hard to match but you really put it too her!" Even if I came in dead last 30 minutes later! LMAO
SOmetimes, I try to imagine how I would handle my kids as they grow older and start finding their niche in this world. What ineterests them, what activities would enhance their talents and skills, etc. But I must agree with you that it's not being "pushy" although sometimes it can be isinterpreted though, but I guess it's also because, at the end of the day, we want our children to have a good future ahead of them. Like for me, I would want my boys to have more opportunities -- a lot of which I never had. SO there =)
same here,Shoshana..i dont push,i encourage and inspire them in everything they do :)
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